...."Some people hate the Tories like they hate puppy torturers but we want to concentrate on policy. Some of the pluses from Labour have been the minimum wage, investment in health and education, maternity rights, civil partnership, repeal of Clause 28, devolution, reform of the House of the Lords, dialogue with, not sneering at Europe, the ban on fox hunting....all things voted against by the puppy torturers." When pressed on the endless war and the banking crisis their spokesman Mr Eatonmess replied, "The one thing none of us should do in the name of fairness and balance is to over simplify things - all these would have been much much worse under Edward Heath and his fascist cronies! After all his entire party is bankrolled by hedge fund manglers - in fairness and balanceness." Questioned on whether it was true the band had threatend to leave the country in disgust if Mrs Thatcher were re-elected their spokesperson Dame Money Grabbing Sad Andrew Lloyd Webber Phil Collins Half of Queen added, "Yes, this is serious. They are resolved that at some point in the next five years they will be leaving the country for at least two weeks. Probably in the summer and Italy, Greece or Spain seem the most likely destinations. In a further protest should the unthinkable happen Julian will hand back his CPT (Cycling Proficiency Test) to Queen Charles."